Lisa O
Friendships, like any relationship, need care and attention to stay strong. Sometimes, seemingly small habits can weaken even the best of friendships over time, creating distance, misunderstandings, or resentment. Here are ten common habits that can slowly ruin friendships and how to avoid them to keep your connections healthy and strong.
Taking Each Other for Granted
One of the quickest ways to weaken a friendship is by taking each other for granted. When friends start assuming the other will always be there, they may stop showing appreciation, stop reaching out, or let obligations slip. Simple gestures, like saying “thank you” or checking in regularly, remind your friend that they’re valued and not just an afterthought.
Canceling Plans Frequently
While life can be busy, constantly canceling or rescheduling plans can make a friend feel unimportant. Over time, this habit can signal that you don’t prioritize the friendship, leading to hurt feelings or a sense of rejection. If you can’t commit to plans, be honest upfront and make an effort to reschedule quickly to show you’re still invested.
Not Listening
When conversations become one-sided, and one person dominates without actively listening, it can create a disconnect. If a friend feels unheard or ignored, they might start pulling back. Being a good listener means showing genuine interest, asking follow-up questions, and giving space for your friend to share their thoughts and feelings, too.
Being Too Critical or Judgmental
Friends are often the first people we turn to for support, and constant criticism or judgment can make them feel unsupported or unsafe. If a friend feels judged, they may start hiding things from you or even avoid talking to you altogether. Instead, try to be understanding, offering advice only when it’s asked for, and focus on providing a safe, non-judgmental space.
Competing with Each Other
Friendships can quickly become toxic when one or both friends feel the need to constantly compete. Whether it’s in career, relationships, or achievements, competition can create jealousy, resentment, and a feeling of never being “good enough.” Instead of comparing yourself, celebrate each other’s successes and focus on mutual support rather than rivalry.
Gossiping About Each Other
Talking about a friend behind their back is one of the most damaging habits. When the person finds out, it can create deep feelings of betrayal and make them question if you’re a true friend. If you have an issue with a friend, it’s best to address it directly with them rather than venting to others, which can avoid unnecessary drama and hurt.
Expecting Constant Availability
While it’s great to have a friend who’s always there, expecting them to be available 24/7 can be overwhelming. Friends have lives outside of the friendship, and respecting their boundaries is essential. Avoid taking it personally if they’re busy, and be understanding of their other responsibilities. Giving each other space strengthens trust and helps the friendship stay balanced.
Keeping Score
Friendship isn’t about tallying who did what, but keeping score can slowly poison a friendship. Constantly counting who paid last, who called last, or who made more sacrifices can create a sense of resentment and imbalance. Friendships are about mutual support, and sometimes, one person will give more than the other. Letting go of scorekeeping helps maintain an open and generous connection.
Not Respecting Boundaries
Everyone has boundaries, and respecting them is crucial in a friendship. Whether it’s respecting a friend’s need for personal space or understanding when they need time for other relationships, boundaries create healthy limits. When boundaries are crossed repeatedly, it can make a friend feel overwhelmed or controlled, leading to distance or even ending the friendship.
Neglecting to Apologize
When mistakes happen, failing to apologize can leave a lasting mark on a friendship. A genuine apology shows humility and a willingness to make things right, but refusing to apologize or brushing off hurt feelings can create resentment. Admitting when you’re wrong and making amends is essential to keeping the trust alive and preventing grudges from building.